NCIS: Code Orange
by jfine
Summary: Tony has a slight problem with something very...ummmm, private, then hilarity/stupidity ensues! Tiva! Rated T for sexual themes and situations.


The elevator dings as a hurried Tony rushes off the elevator towards his desk, his tie handing around his neck, not tied.

"You're late, DiNozzo!"...Gibbs yelled.

"Sorry, Boss...with Ziva being out of town, I SO forgot to set the alarm."...Tony stopped as Gibbs shook his head..."Uh, that's no excuse, I'd apologize again, but I know how much you hate that and I already said it once, so..."...Gibbs glared at Tony..."Shutting up, Boss."

"McGee, with me."...Gibbs said, standing up..."Finish your paperwork, Tony."

"Aww, G..."...Gibbs once again glared at Tony as he started to protest..."Right away, Boss!"...Tony brightened up and moved behind his desk as quickly as he could, he sat down, but quickly jumped up from his seat.

"Uh, where are you doing? I told you to do your paperwork."

"Yeah, Boss...but there are some things more important."

"Such as?"

"Not peeing in my pants...so, can I, uh, may I go to the little boys room...please?"...Tony slightly groaned.

"Go."...Gibbs gestured towards the bathroom with his head.

"My bladder thanks you!"...Tony exclaimed, rushing past Gibbs.

"Little boys room."...Gibbs chuckled..."Lets go, McGee."

--

Tony stood in front of urinal, his head tilted back, his eyes closed as he let out a soft moan, he looked down as he flushed the urinal..."What the..."...A bright color was reflecting off the back of the water..."DUCKY!"...Tony yelled, rushing out of the bathroom, covering himself with his hands.

--

The elevator dinged, Tony stepped out into autopsy panicking..."Uh, Ducky...could you look at something...for me?"...Tony spoke, now standing behind Ducky as he was examining a body.

"Of course, lad."...Ducky started to speak as he turned around, his eyes moved to Tony's groin..."Good heavens! Why...why is it..."

"What, Ducky?"...Tony looked down, grinning..."Big, huh?"

"No...orange."

"Exactly! It's orange. Why is my...my..."

"It's a penis, Anthony."

"It's MY penis, Ducky and it shouldn't be ORANGE!"

The door opens, Palmer walks into autopsy..."Abby said two or three hours, Doctor."...He notices Tony..."Oh, hey."...Then he notices that his pants are down..."Oh, sorry...uh, why is his..."

"It's a penis, Mr. Palmer."

"Yes, my ORANGE penis!"...Tony cried out..."Fix it!"

"It's not contagious is it?"...Palmer asked, taking a step back.

"What...contagious?"...Tony started to really panick..."If you have to cut it off, kill me first, Ducky."

Ducky looks at Tony, like he's crazy.

"I mean it, Ducky, kill me now, bash my head in with a bed pan if you have, too!"

Ducky rolled his eyes..."Mr. Palmer, lets get a sample up to Abby."

"Doctor?"

"Get a q-tip and get a sample."

"Uh, not a chance, Doctor, I don't want my penis to turn orange."

Ducky shook his head, moving over to the counter, grapping a q-tip..."Honestly, Mr. Palmer, have you ever heard of a disease that turns a penis orange?"...He moved to Tony and was about to take the sample.

"No, but AIDs wasn't a known disease until about 30 years ago."

Ducky stopped, pulling away.

"Ugh! Give me the damn q-tip."...Tony groaned, grabbing the q-tip from Ducky and rubbing it along his penis, he held it out to Ducky, who backed away, he grabbed a evidence bag and opened it up as Tony dropped it in.

Ducky looked towards Palmer, holding the bag out towards him, Palmer stepped backed further away. Tony shook his head..."For being doctors, your bedside manners suck."

"We do work with the deceased mostly, Tony."...Ducky replied, Tony grabbed the bag from Ducky and turned, he stopped long enough to put himself away and zip up his pants. He walked into the elevator.

Ducky and Palmer both turned, they pulled on their scrub bottoms, checking themselves, Ducky let out a sigh of relief as he turned to Palmer..."Strangers in your shorts, Mr. Palmer?"...Palmer just smiled.

--

Tony stepped into Abby's lap, holding the bag away from him.

"Tony!"...Abby smiled as she moved to him, attempting to hug him, but he stopped her..."What's wrong?"

"I might be contagious."

"Cold? Flu? I've had them all before, Tony!"...She smiled.

"How about an orange penis?"...Tony asked.

Abby squinted her eyes, looking at him strange..."No, but does rainbow count? I had a friend who made candy in the shape of objects and well, she was...you know."

"Uh, okay."...Tony held out the bag..."I need this tested."...She took the bag from him as he turned to leave.

"Wait, who has a orange penis?"...Abby asked, looking at the door, Tony was gone, she then looked down at the bag, seeing a q-tip with orange on it..."Ewww."

--

Several hours pass...

The phone on Tony's desk started to ring, he picks it up and listens..."I'll be right down, Abs."...Tony stood up from his chair and moved to the elevator, pressing the button, the doors open, Ziva stood smiling.

Tony smiled for a moment, but stopped, he sighed.

"What's wrong? Not happy to see me?"...Ziva pulls Tony into the elevator, pushing him against the wall, the doors close, the elevator starts to go down, she flips the emergency switch, she looked at Tony and smiles, she takes a step towards him and drops to her knees in front of him, her hands move to his pants and start to unbuckle his pants.

Tony grabs her wrists, holding them.She looks up at him..."Are you denying me?"

"My...I can't...it's..."...Tony sighs, throwing his head back.

The sound of his zipper falling, makes him look down, Ziva giggled..."Could not wait for me, even for one day, yes?"

"No, wait!"...Tony exclaimed, he looked at Ziva smiling... "Huh? What are you talking about?"

"Making good use of that tape we made, yes?"...Ziva smirked.

Tony cocked his head, giving her an odd looked, but then smiled as he realized what she was talking about, he looked at his orange colored fingertips..."Heh."

--

Ducky walks into the Abby's lab..."Is Gibbs back? The elevator is out of order, is he in a meeting?"...Ducky shrugs it off as he walks over to Abby, touching her on the shoulder..."Abigail...are you listening?"

Abby turns..."OH, HEY DUCKY!"...She yelled.

Ducky reaches to her ear, pulling out earphones.

"Oh, sorry."...Abby apologized.

"What was the substance on his..."...Ducky started to ask.

"It was Tony's wasn't it? I knew it!"

Ducky cleared his throat..."Well, Abby?"

"It was cheese, Ducky."

"Cheese?"

Abby nods..."To be more specific...cheddar cheese used by Frito Lay for their Cheetos brand snacks."

"Cheetos?"...Ducky repeated.

"Yup!"...Abby smirked.

Ducky turned his head away, thinking, he looked back at Abby..."I don't want to know, do I?"

Abby grinned from ear to ear..."I do!"


End file.
